Why didn’t anyone tell me…

So I finally saw Million Dollar Baby last night. Wow what a film. But as I was thinking about it later, I thought, “But this is Hollywood. How will they do the sequel?” And I was off. And so, humble readers, I present to you, my draft plot of next summer’s blockbuster hit: Million-and-one Dollar Baby.

WARNING

If you haven’t seen the film – which I wholly suggest you do – don’t read on – it’ll ruin it for you.

Frankie has taken up ownership of the cafe indicated in the movie. He spends his days cooking behind the bar to keep busy. He discovers that his misery for lost loved ones in the past is only satiated through work, and even that is not enough. His detachment from his competitive boxing days and all the people he knew is eating him slowly. He makes friends with the locals and lives in complete isolation otherwise. He has learned of the warrant for his arrest related to the death of an invalid, and has changed his last name.

A couple times a week, an overweight kid comes in with his grandpa. They order a whole pie each and sit quietly for the entire afternoon, laughing and chatting, always finishing both pies. Time passes, and one week the kid comes, but the grandpa doesn’t. In a deep depression, the kid orders pie after pie, eating himself into a miserable state. Frankie feels compassion for anyone that depressed that has lost someone and they become friendly. Week after week, their friendship grows. Frankie then decides, “Man this kid can eat. I wonder if he could do pie eating contests.” He provides the kid with all the pies he wants and a few months later, offers to take him to his first contest at the county fair.

The kid loses the contest to The Pie Eating Champion Of The World (why he’s in the back woods, nobody knows), but is exhilarated. They work on his technique and come back again for a local charity event. The kid does fabulously, but pukes it up just before the end of the contest. The kid finds that the pies have been tainted, and an investigation is called for.

Around now there are whisperings in town that a stranger has arrived and is asking questions. Frankie starts to get scared about his warrant and suggests they take the challenge in Wyoming eating watermelons in the summer. They pack up and drive north. They arrive and take up training in a rented apartment.

Frankie’s ghosts are getting the better of him now that his hands are idle, and he has started sleepwalking. He wakes up in various places, in barns, on highways, in the woods. He is visited by ghosts of all his previous proteges. Wherever he finds himself, he always wakes up with his knuckles bleeding. He hides this from the kid by insisting that he wakes up early and goes out for walks. The bleeding hands are covered by fingerless gloves. (It is Wyoming after all.) Between training sessions, he is visited even in waking by his previous students, who pass judgement on him.

The kid wins the watermelon contest handily – and his first win is accompanied by their first glimmer of hope. They plan to travel to Michigan to enter a hot dog contest next. The kid is now troubled by indigestion issues. They visit a doctor, who tells them that the tainted pies have left him with internal scarring that may limit his ability to keep up the eating contests. The kid presses on regardless, counting on the resilience of youth to make up for the problem. As they are leaving town, The Stranger’s pickup appears, and they pass in the street already on their way to a different location. On the road, late one night, Frankie’s ghostly apparitions appear in a line on the highway and he swerves wildly to avoid them. They chalk it up to driving drowsy and pull off at the next town to rest. Frankie is still disturbed.

In Michigan, they take up training for the next contest. October is now fast approaching, and savings are running low. They need to win the next contest to move on to the next town and stay ahead of The Stranger. The kid is starting to experience serious discomfort most of the time from the stomach scarring. Practices are shortened, but they persist. The contest is delayed two weeks. Finances getting tight, Frankie decides to tough it out and hope for a win. There should be just enough. Nothing is heard of The Stranger, but The Stranger has heard tell of the next contest as well.

Halloween has arrived in rural Michigan, and the contest is hosted on the fairgrounds with the local festivities. The Stranger is already at the contest. Frankie and the kid arrive without observing The Stranger who is milling around looking for them, a Stetson on his head as disguise. They go to the contestant’s stalls in the barns provided for them, and set up. The kid hasn’t eaten since two days ago and is famished. The smells of the food are becoming hard to ignore. Frankie is being tough on him to get his game up, and the kid is looking pale and beaten down.”Get on with it coward! They’re tubes of meat!”

The kid snaps. He grabs Frankie and bends his neck over backward, biting. He roars with a demonic sound. Frankie falls to the floor, dead. The kid hears screaming and runs out to the fairgrounds, only to see Frankie’s previous students looking pale and dripping blood from their mouths. A scrawny kid with curly hair runs past, yelling, “CARDIO!” They all start running after the kid. Our kid grabs the nearest stationary person and begins to devour them messily. The Stranger is back in his pickup truck. The Stranger smashes the accelerator and pins the kid between the front of the truck and the ice cream shop.

“Zombies! I’ve got to get to Tallahassee,” says the man, and drives away in his pickup, Twinkie in hand.